"No Monkey Business"

Nikki's favorite saying for the last 2 weeks is "No Monkey Business!" At first, Nick and I couldn't decipher what was coming out of mouth. In the beginning it sound more like "No monkey please." But that didn't make much sense. Then we listened closer and it started to sound more like "No monkey biz" like show biz. We figured the teachers at her school must have told her that or told the kids that. Nikki's gotten a few incident reports for some of her shenanigans so this does not sound too far fetched -- getting told no monkey business at school. I know we didn't teach her that nor any other people that look after her. It's pretty cute though, and she loves saying it. She scrunches her nose and closes her eyes and says these words with such vigor.

I'll be nicer...promise

Three weeks ago, I hadn't cried as hard as I did in a long time. We decided that it was time for Scoobie to be put down. At 14 years old, she had hip dysplacia, incontinence, cataracts, loss of hearing, and was in pain. She began to stumble and looked like she had a stroke. She looked paralyzed and had stopped eating. Even when we tried to force a little bit of food in her, she wouldn't take it. We first noticed this on Sunday. We began observing her Monday and then Nick called and said that it was time. He didn't want her to suffer and asked that I take her in to the vet to be put to sleep. I asked him to think about it and to make sure that this should be done. He said she was old, didn't look well, and wasn't eating. We made an appointment on Tuesday. That day, I left worked early and on my way home, I was thinking about Scoobie and I couldn't help but cry over her. I had known her for almost 10 years. She was our first baby. She was always so loving and protective. She loved Nikki and was gentle with her even when Nikki tugged at her tail and poked her eyes.

When I finally got home that day, I went to Scoobie and said my farewells. I took my camera and took my last photos of her. I sat there with her, petting her and gave her some cookies, which she ate. I looked at her more closely and she began to run towards the yard and when she came running back to me, I thought, "Wait a minute, she looks pretty good." What happened? Her head was still tilted to the side, she still kind of stumbled but she didn't look as bad as she did a few days ago. She was taking food from me and was walking around. Soon after, Nick texted me, "Kiss Scoobie goodbye for me." I texted him back "She's eating" and then I called him, sobbing and telling him that Scoobie appears to be okey. I didn't know what to do. We decided to call the vet and ask that she be checked out before we do anything else.

I put Scoobie in my car and we went for a ride. She perked up and looked around and stuck her nose out the window. She has always loved car rides. We got to the vet and she was checked out. The vet was very gentle with her. After he completed his examination, he said that Scoobie is having problems maintaining her equilibrium and is dizzy. It seemed Scoobie had an ear infection that was causing effects similar to vertigo. So it was just an ear infection? Well, not to take it too lightly, Scoobie had to be sedated in order for the doctor to clear out the waxy buildup inside her ears and he can check out her ear drum and ear canal more closely. I had to leave Scoobie at the animal hospital over night for her procedure. The doctor said that that appeared to be the main cause of her dizziness, ill-feeling, and no appetite. Oh my gosh, what a relief? That whole time we thought Scoobie was a goner....it was just ear wax! :)

I picked up Scoobie the following day. I had called earlier and asked that Scoobie be groomed. When I got there and I saw her, she looked beautiful. Her coat was shiny and she looked very sweet. She still wasn't feeling well, but was on track to recovery. We left, with antibiotics in hand, and headed home. Scoobie was welcomed home by the family and we now have a better appreciation of her.

I Guess I Had Some Time

I ended a friendship several months ago with someone I had known since high school. We had at one point in our lives called each other the best of friends. But how can supposed best friends, who had known each other for almost 15 years, end a friendship in such an abrupt and callous manner? Perhaps we weren’t all that close to begin with.

The end was near when I had to ask why she hardly called or emailed me. It always seemed like I had to be the one calling and making the effort to go out or to chat. Apparently she had already taken the steps to pull away from the relationship long before I had known there were any serious problems. When I questioned her, I found out I had treated her badly and disrespected her numerous times. She claimed I didn’t listen to her and that I saw her problems as juvenile. She claimed I didn’t give her enough praise for her accomplishments. This grudge that she had with me went back several years prior to this. Not to sound totally clueless, I really was not aware that I had hurt her the way she said I did, by the words I used or the lack thereof. When I asked her to explain, I did try to be open-minded and hear her side out. I tried to understand why she was so hurt. I tried to explain the reasons behind much of what I had said and what my intentions were (if I can even remember). But despite the apologies it still didn’t feel like she can let it go and thoroughly forgive me. Why did she wait so long to say all of this now? Why did she have to bottle all of this in, when it probably could have been resolved or at least efforts to resolve it could’ve been made right then and there. I don’t know, maybe I made it too hard. Maybe there were other issues beyond what was said. Maybe it had something to do with other people.

I’m not a person who finds enjoyment in ripping people apart. I try to be empathetic and I try to be a good friend. I might be sarcastic and like to joke around, but I genuinely do try to treat people the way I’d like to be treated myself, out of respect and kindness. When it’s time to get serious, I get serious. In a way, it seemed whenever I talked about good things that were happening to me, I sometimes felt like she’d get uncomfortable. I sometimes felt like she thinks I am showing off or that I actually think I’m better than her. For most people that know me, they know I am pretty modest. I don’t often toot my own horn. I know people who brag about everything and anything under the sun, but I’m not one of those people. I don’t feel I need to do that to prove my worth. With her, I felt I had to talk about the bad things happening to me in order to have a connection with her. Sure, like any normal person, everyone goes through challenges in their lives. I know that. But it seems I needed to have MORE drama in my life to somehow relate to her more. I’m not saying she has a lot of drama in her life, but I’m saying that in order for us to connect more, I needed to be more of that type of person.

Why am I writing this for people to read? Why am I still hung up on it? I feel the way the friendship was ended left things still unresolved and unfinished. I took the chicken shit way out of it. I essentially emailed her a Dear John-esque letter saying that we were better off no longer speaking to one another. I decided to go ahead with it because it was more difficult to hold on to a friendship with someone who I felt no longer wanted to be friends. I’ve always had that in me, I suppose. When I can sense that a relationship is one-sided, I get out fast and usually without looking back. It would have been nice to get a response back from that email though, but maybe it was just too difficult. The letter (email) was not written angrily or maliciously. It was written out of respect to let her know that it would have been difficult to continue to be friends after all that has happened and I didn’t want to be fake and pretend that things were okay. By this time, we were different people too. Why did we become friends anyway and what were the things that made us look for each other and need each other for comfort and support? Maybe it wasn’t there anymore and we didn’t need each other the same way we did. And we had other people in lives now to fill that void.

The purpose of this blog is partially therapeutic. I would have wanted to get at least one response back or at least have it acknowledged in some way or another. Maybe again we weren’t seeing things the same way and maybe she wanted to begin working on mending this friendship and I just ended it. I don’t know, these are all assumptions. Maybe that’s just it; the flaw in our friendship was lack of communication and assuming the wrong things with the other person.